whew.

today our media event for my Journ152, class aka PR, was finally delivered. it wasn't easy. we only had a week to prepare for the event, given that Ikai and I have conflicting scheds, we really had a hard time meeting up for planning. nonetheless, after everything we were able to execute our media event.

moving on. the past week has been my greatest defeat.

i enrolled for 21 units this semester, i knew i would be able to handle it well. but i was wrong. there is no one subject this sem that has my 100% attention. all my subjects have been battling for my time and i am really sad to say that i am not abe to give it to them.

my time, attention and focus are, very well DIFFUSED. i feel that everything is out of organization. it's like beng jack of all trades, master of none.

i am feeling sad right now with no particular reason. i just feel so sad, and by definition, i think i am depressed. this "depression" is not the one people use in replacement of "disappointment" okay? this depression is that psychological state where you feel sad, down and out with no particular reason.

i want to cry now. really. i really am stressed. this is the first time i've felt this way in my entire college life. i've been wanting to cry my frustrations, my failures and my shortcomings but i can't. i miss that part of me that will cry in times of desperation. but journalism changed me. with all these stress and what-do-i-do-next moments i became less of a crybaby. i learned to handle stress and stuffs with grace. but right now, i don't think it helped me.

i would love to cry now, exhaust all these miseries academics have been dumping into me. i know that part of this stage is my inability to organize things but the volume of stuffs to work on are overwhelming that i really don't know which one to work on first.

i've seen this coming, academic turmoil. but i didn't see that i will be this affected. and perhaps this goes to show that i am human. that despite my being happy, sheltered state, when pressure is at its finest, it can delude me.